After a long self-imposed/spirit imposed separation from an intimate time of music each day with God, I took the first step back to reconnecting with the special anointing, song-writing, composing, etc. that I once had. For years (almost ALL my life), I spent time EVERY day at the piano, mostly just playing, worshiping, praying and having special communion with God. Out of those times came close to 100 God-given choruses and songs of which I have sung and played almost all (at some point over the last 21 years) in church. Some were just special choruses of praise that I shared only with God. Others were for choirs, worship choruses and special songs.
Yet, there came a time where I didn't spend as much time in communion with Him and as a result, some things happened in my life. Things I allowed to separate me from God's anointing. This was a very short time but it has had lasting repercussions for the last three or so years. Talking yesterday to someone who is becoming a VERY good friend and who encouraged me SOO much, I confessed some fears that I had.
I was fearful that when I finally sat down at the piano again for those special moments, that I would feel nothing. That the special anointing that I had felt would no longer be there. See, I have played for services, sang songs, learned new music someone else had written and which I HAD to learn, and felt a smidge of the former anointing that I had had. I know that I have JUST been FULFILLING an OBLIGATION to the call on my life to minister through song. And while doing so, I was questioning whether God would ever use me like he had, would I ever re-obtain the former glory, would I ever be inspired by a message and write a chorus as the minister/pastor was calling me to play for altar call? I had just been praying enough, playing enough to get by.
My friend reminded me of a message my pastor preached on Sunday. He had mentioned that some of us were scared of making those first steps back to deeper communion, that our past mistakes and failures to do so were hindering us. He said, "Take it one step at a time." Just take a moment and pray, even if we don't feel what we think we should or it doesn't last as long as we want it to. One step. Just one.
So, this morning, I arose, checked my emails and instead of taking "refuge" in surfing the net, answering e-mails, etc. I stood up and took the first step. I walked to my piano, sat down, put my fingers on the keys and let my soul cry out to my maker. IMMEDIATELY, I felt the anointing I had longed for, the special communion I had thirst for, the chills that encompass your whole being when God shows up in a special way. One step. That was all it took!
As tears streamed down my face, I began to play and sing my heart's cry. Out of that first step came a song...yes, the first time in 3 years of famine a song was birthed. It is not complete. I believe that is so I will return again tomorrow for a second step. So, as I continue on this journey back to where I belong, please pray for me. I will be praying for you to take that first step too.